Most of my students tell me that they want a wild and crazy sex life. Keep in mind that the majority of my clients are men. That’s not to say that women aren’t sexual, but I’m striking at a larger cultural point. These men feel like it’s their obligation to want countless sex partners. They are told that monogamy is weak.  I’ve met women who feel the same way. Let me be clear. I don’t think that there is anything inherently wrong with having multiple sex partners. It can be an exciting and beautiful thing if everyone involved is okay with the idea. But that’s just it– most of us aren’t cut out for that sort of thing.

I’m no saint. I’ve got a checkered past that would make a stripper blush. You don’t become a leading dating guru by spending Friday nights playing Parcheesi with your Aunt Mae. But when I was at my most promiscuous I also felt the emptiest. How can this be? I was living every man’s dream! There are a few reasons why casual sex might not be your thing.

It’s all marketing. Sex sells, and that’s why it’s so pervasive in western culture. Marketers peddle everything from automobiles to cheeseburgers with the allure of tits and ass. But do they shove it down our throats (pun intended) because it’s what we want, or is it the other way around?

If all of my students want to fuck like porn stars, why do they usually end up settling down with one partner? Surely they can’t all be that bad at securing one night stands. Perhaps their biological urge for pair bonding is stronger than the ad man’s psychological jiu jitsu.

Promiscuity isn’t as glamorous as you might think. Oh sure, I’m a regular Tommy Lee. I even managed to be a pickup artist without any long-term consequences. I don’t have any STDs and I never got anyone pregnant. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had to endure the stress that those risks impose. It’s pretty hard to look suave with a Q-tip shoved up your urethra.

Are you mentally prepared for the drama involved in sharing your bed with multiple partners? The jealousy? The walk of shame? The morning breath? Life isn’t always like the movies. Sometimes when you let your genitals do the thinking you make mistakes. Have you ever heard the term “coyote ugly”?

Casual sex won’t fulfill you. Getting laid like a rockstar won’t give you lasting happiness. I thought it would, and instead I broke a lot of people’s hearts, and lost a lot of respect for myself. It took a long time for me to learn that there is more to sex than simply getting in and getting off. There’s something beautiful about connecting with another human being on such an intimate level.  I lucked out and met a wonderful woman who loves me for who I am now, and doesn’t hold my past against me.  Maybe you will get lucky too, or maybe you will spend your life looking for happiness in all the wrong places.  It’s possible to be happy while having many partners, but that happiness is internal– not because you get off more.

If you’ve read this and still want to give casual sex a shot, be my guest. Like I said, I don’t think it’s inherently wrong. Just remember that I warned you.